By Peggy Blair
Since I’m an author, I’m acutely aware of typos. Every now and then I come across a listing that could have used a little more proofreading. Here are some recent finds, all from the Ottawa Real Estate Board, but I’m sure you’ve stumbled across mistakes like these all over the real estate world. They always make me laugh.
The kitchen seems to be a particularly popular room when it comes to real estate bloopers. For example: “The reno’d kitchen offers a large butler’s style panty prep space.” I’m sure the butler appreciates that. It’s always good to have a place to prepare your panties.
Or this one: “The huge kitchen/great room boasts lots of natural light via a picture window, granite counters and tile floors.” Err… I don’t think so. Unless there’s a clear glass granite or tile that I don’t know about?
Here’s another one where sentence structure creates a very different impression than what the sales rep intended: “The kitchen with granite countertops and new faucet flows into the dining room.” Gosh, I hope not. Flooding isn’t usually considered a selling feature.
Then there are those bloopers that creep into listings where the sales rep is searching for just the right word and slightly misses the mark. Like this one: “A home perfect for the disconcerting buyer.” Let’s hope that buyer isn’t too disconcerting; it’s not easy to work with a client who freaks you out.
When it comes to the discerning buyer, however, I loved this listing that announced that, “This home has been eloquently updated.” Nothing like an articulate house – it practically sells itself!
Sometimes properties have issues and we have to disclose them. But that still means being careful not to leave the wrong impression, as happened in this unintentional gem: “Former owner used this home to grow marijuana. Lower level has large recreation room with ample pot lights.”
Or this one: “Great investment…very hard to find this location.” It’s probably best to take a map with you when you go to view this property: it doesn’t sound like GPS will work.
Sometimes, we know what the sales rep is getting at, it’s just the wording is a little bit off. Like this listing, for example, that stated the house was “ideal for small professional families.” No point taking an amateur family to see it then.
Or this one: “Hot tube not working.” Now, that’s a shame. I love to relax in a hot tube after a hard day’s work. Or maybe not.
Then there’s this listing, in which the sales rep has created a brand-new word out of “sunny” and “stunning” – “STUNNY BUNGALOW.” I expect to be stunned when I see it. Hot tubes have that effect on me.
Speaking of stunned, most prospective buyers would be a little shocked by this recent listing for a house in Rockcliffe Park, where the annual taxes were stated to be $896,670. It’s an expensive and prestigious area, sure, but that’s even higher than the listed value of the home. (Oh those extra zeroes; they are a killer for sales reps. I think we like them a little too much!)
And finally, my all-time favourite: “Condo fees include snot removal.” To which I can only say, I can handle my own nose, but thanks for the offer.