By Peggy Blair

We’ve had a great couple of months on the blooper front, fellow Realtors! I’m glad you are still providing me with lots of giggles.

Here’s one I loved in the category of “I don’t think it’s a good idea to co-own property with non-animate objects”: “The listing Agent is an Owner of the property. Other is Veranda.” Love the idea of co-owning my property with a deck. I can walk all over it. Ba da boom.



In another listing, “a giant conifer greats the occupants.”  I don’t know about you but I keep thinking of a very polite tree that wants to knight me.

Here’s one in which the house is green too, but with envy: “This is the second house in from the canal, with envious views from the rooftop deck.” I do love the idea of a house with personality, even if you can’t describe it as charming.

Speaking of charming, how about this one? “Spacious lower level is completely open to your finishing touches.” Nice. If it wasn’t so open-minded, those renos could be a big problem.

Of course, along with envious properties, we have arrogant ones too. Like this one: “This deck boasts lots of comfort and design to host you.” Nothing like a back deck that brags. Or this one: “SELF-MANAGED BUILDING WITH INTERCOM BOASTING A COZY ATRIUM.” I can see how that could be annoying when all you want to do is enter the building.

We salespeople love to emphasize walkability, but sometimes I think we don’t quite say what we mean. As in this recent listing, which had me thinking of someone bumping up against the walls: “Walking close to schools, grocery, parks and paths.”

Then there was this apparently distressed property: “truly unique, set on 4 acres within waling distance.” Poor thing. I hope it gets whatever help it needs. Although one property’s “waling” may be someone else’s music. As in this listing remark: “Annual Fire Wood – @ 3 chords.”

As usual, there were typos and missing words. This one made me think of a pepper mill, for some reason: “Parking unground #5.”

Then there was this one: “This 3 bedroom 1 and half townhome has updated kitchen.” Oh well, at least there’s a new kitchen to make up for the missing half of the house. In a similar vein, this listing made me snort: “One bedroom is leaving at the end of July.” I wonder where it’s going – maybe it got tired of listening to the boastful intercom.

And for all your Trekkies out there, how about “No rear neighbourgs!!” Or “BUNGLAW” which really ought to be a new word for a bungalow with an in-law suite.

This recent listing made me laugh out loud: “Living groom & Bedroom.” Now that’s a feature! It reminds me of one of the bloopers in a previous column about a listing with “big widows” – wouldn’t it be nice if we could get them together?

In my last column, I referred to a “specious” property.  This time around, I’m not sure if it was another typo, or a valiant guess at correct spelling: “be the 1st one to live in this Speciose two bedroom.” Must be Italianate.

As usual, I came across descriptions where it might have helped if the salesperson had taken a breath and added a bit more punctuation. For example, this “backyard outdoor kitchen, hot tub & patio area, fire pitted & fully fenced in heated salt water inground pool.” You’d think it might be hard to get keep that fire going, much less cook in that pool, but it might explain how it stays heated.

There was this unintentional gem: “hardwood flrs thru incl. curved staircase, sauna, steam shower, wine cellar & more.” A steam shower with hardwood floors – now that’s something we don’t see all that often! Like this handy feature: “Eat-in kitchen has large window backsplash.”

Windows popped up in some other unusual places this fall: “Large and welcoming living room with a wood burning fireplace that has large window overlooking park.” I love the idea of a fireplace with a view, don’t you?

The staircase in this recent listing had a view too, although it does seem a little wasted: “French doors leads to Stunning oak staircase with circular window.”

This new listing came with unique parking, if you can only get to it: “Other: balcony Parking spot.”  But I think my all-time favourite blooper must be this one, which made me feel quite warm and fuzzy:

Peggy Blair is a sales representative with Royal LePage Team Realty in Ottawa. A former lawyer, she is the award-winning author of the Inspector Ramirez series published by Penguin Canada and Simon and Schuster Canada as well as internationally. Her most recent book, Umbrella Man, is now in bookstores. If you come across any real estate bloopers that tickle your funny bone, be sure to send them to her by email.
  • Nerissa Choy

    Thank you Peggy for writing such a witty and hilarious article. Had me in stitches! We can’t all be perfect after all. Truly, a great read to end 2017. All the best in 2018 and looking forward to reading more of your articles in the coming year.

    • Peggy Blair

      Thanks so much – glad you enjoyed it, and Happy New Year, Nerissa!

  • Nick Latondresse

    I don’t find your article particularly funny at all. Especially the one that is the lead in to the full article, the one about “waling.” Are you perhaps confusing waling with wailing? Personally I didn’t even know waling was a real word, turns out it is. If you look up the definition your whole “joke” about the realtors misspelling of walking really isn’t funny at all. Nor are any of your examples actually.
    As realtors we really should proof read our listings yes. Some of the write ups are ridiculous, as are the ones that write in all caps as if that will get more attention. I’m actually all for making fun of realtors write ups. My point is, your article sucked. Find better examples next time or stop trying. Thanks!

    • Peggy Blair

      Hi Nick! Sorry you didn’t enjoy the column. I do my best, but humour is definitely subjective. For example, I got this email from another realtor that says: “This article is sooooo hilarious! Had me in stitches. Thank you for writing such a witty, totally funny article. What a good read to end 2017! Looking forward to reading your articles in the coming year.” That said, I do appreciate the feedback and I’ll try to do better next year! (You are spot on about waling, btw, I should have checked that one first!) Again, thanks, and Happy New Year!

    • Peggy Blair

      Hi Nick and thank for the comments. I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy the column. I try my best, but as you know, humour is very subjective. For example, I got this email from another realtor: “This article is sooooo hilarious! Had me in stitches. Thank you for writing such a witty, totally funny article. What a good read to end 2017! Looking forward to reading your articles in the coming year.”

      I do appreciate the feedback, good and bad, and will try harder next year! (You were spot on about “waling”, btw; I should have checked that one first!) Again, thanks and Happy New Year!

  • Lee Freeman

    For many of Canada’s exceptional REALTORS(R) English is not their first language.

    • Peggy Blair

      HI Lee! Yes, I’m certainly conscious of that and I do read the entire listing to make sure that’s not the reason for the error. Thanks for the feedback! Cheers, Peggy