By Peggy Blair
We’ve had a great couple of months on the blooper front, fellow Realtors! I’m glad you are still providing me with lots of giggles.
Here’s one I loved in the category of “I don’t think it’s a good idea to co-own property with non-animate objects”: “The listing Agent is an Owner of the property. Other is Veranda.” Love the idea of co-owning my property with a deck. I can walk all over it. Ba da boom.
In another listing, “a giant conifer greats the occupants.” I don’t know about you but I keep thinking of a very polite tree that wants to knight me.
Here’s one in which the house is green too, but with envy: “This is the second house in from the canal, with envious views from the rooftop deck.” I do love the idea of a house with personality, even if you can’t describe it as charming.
Speaking of charming, how about this one? “Spacious lower level is completely open to your finishing touches.” Nice. If it wasn’t so open-minded, those renos could be a big problem.
Of course, along with envious properties, we have arrogant ones too. Like this one: “This deck boasts lots of comfort and design to host you.” Nothing like a back deck that brags. Or this one: “SELF-MANAGED BUILDING WITH INTERCOM BOASTING A COZY ATRIUM.” I can see how that could be annoying when all you want to do is enter the building.
We salespeople love to emphasize walkability, but sometimes I think we don’t quite say what we mean. As in this recent listing, which had me thinking of someone bumping up against the walls: “Walking close to schools, grocery, parks and paths.”
Then there was this apparently distressed property: “truly unique, set on 4 acres within waling distance.” Poor thing. I hope it gets whatever help it needs. Although one property’s “waling” may be someone else’s music. As in this listing remark: “Annual Fire Wood – @ 3 chords.”
As usual, there were typos and missing words. This one made me think of a pepper mill, for some reason: “Parking unground #5.”
Then there was this one: “This 3 bedroom 1 and half townhome has updated kitchen.” Oh well, at least there’s a new kitchen to make up for the missing half of the house. In a similar vein, this listing made me snort: “One bedroom is leaving at the end of July.” I wonder where it’s going – maybe it got tired of listening to the boastful intercom.
And for all your Trekkies out there, how about “No rear neighbourgs!!” Or “BUNGLAW” which really ought to be a new word for a bungalow with an in-law suite.
This recent listing made me laugh out loud: “Living groom & Bedroom.” Now that’s a feature! It reminds me of one of the bloopers in a previous column about a listing with “big widows” – wouldn’t it be nice if we could get them together?
In my last column, I referred to a “specious” property. This time around, I’m not sure if it was another typo, or a valiant guess at correct spelling: “be the 1st one to live in this Speciose two bedroom.” Must be Italianate.
As usual, I came across descriptions where it might have helped if the salesperson had taken a breath and added a bit more punctuation. For example, this “backyard outdoor kitchen, hot tub & patio area, fire pitted & fully fenced in heated salt water inground pool.” You’d think it might be hard to get keep that fire going, much less cook in that pool, but it might explain how it stays heated.
There was this unintentional gem: “hardwood flrs thru incl. curved staircase, sauna, steam shower, wine cellar & more.” A steam shower with hardwood floors – now that’s something we don’t see all that often! Like this handy feature: “Eat-in kitchen has large window backsplash.”
Windows popped up in some other unusual places this fall: “Large and welcoming living room with a wood burning fireplace that has large window overlooking park.” I love the idea of a fireplace with a view, don’t you?
The staircase in this recent listing had a view too, although it does seem a little wasted: “French doors leads to Stunning oak staircase with circular window.”
This new listing came with unique parking, if you can only get to it: “Other: balcony Parking spot.” But I think my all-time favourite blooper must be this one, which made me feel quite warm and fuzzy: